I know this may seem silly. But I'm greatful for my scoliosis!

Let me explain.  Yes it sucks most of the time, but it has also given me so much!

Through dealing with adversity, pain, frustration, deformities and set backs I've actually learned alot! It has taught me that I can do hard things.

It's also (somehow) helped me build strong self esteem. It sounds crazy, but those years in jr high wearing my back brace all day all night.  And having a big rib hump and crooked gait just taught me that looks really don't matter. Be a good person.  Love everyone, and you will be loved. And if people don't like you, its not you is them. Move on.  Find your people, thier out there i promise!

Not everyone has to like you! It's ok! Yes it hurts, and it's no fun to be made fun of (trust me I know) but those people are usually the ones that need the extra love. So smile, be nice. (Kill them with kindness is actually not a bad idea) doing this might not change them.  But it will change you! It made me see that I love people! I genuinely love everyone I meet. Even if we aren't going to be BFFs I still love you.

I've also learned emathpy for others. We ALL have our own problems. And to each one of us it is the hardest thing we can face. No one has it all together. NO ONE! So again have love for everyone.  Cause we're all in this and it should be together. It's easier together.

It's taught me to stand up for myself.  I'm still learning this one.  But I'm a work in progress.

Pushing through my limitations has also shown me how strong I am. Maybe not always physically but mentally.  I've learned to block out pain that would send most people running for the hills.  And I'm proud of that! Does that mean that others that can't do this are less  than? Absolutely not! Does it mean that i view others pain as a joke? Heck no! I get it! We all have things we can deal with and things we cannot.  And that's ok.  I see your trials and think my trial is nothing in comparison.  Because it doesn't compare. No two people are alike so neither will be thier challenges. I couldn't handle what was dealt to my neighbor anymore than they could handle mine.  And that's beautiful and makes me all the more greatful for mine.

I'm rambling but I just wanted to get this out there. I'm thankful for my trials.  I'm greatful for all is taught me about myself.  I'm still learning to! It's the "gift" that keeps on giving!

Are you greatful for your trails? Or am i just crazy🙃

Brock and I have been married a little over ten years.  We have 4 pretty awesome and crazy kids. Our oldest is Rian. She is 9 years old.  She is followed by Maddox who is 8, Paxton who is 5 and Paisley who is 3. These tiny humans are the joy of my life and my biggest and most important responsibility i have on this earth and I could not be more grateful to my Heavenly father for blessing me with them.

I grew up in Mesa AZ and Brock grew up in Gilbert AZ.   We met at a bowling alley in Mesa by the temple about a year after his mission and my graduating high school. We were married 4 months after meeting and the long wait was torture for me!

The day I met my husband I had been praying and praying all weekend to figure out if I should consider marrying my then boyfriend. I’ve always had a close relationship with my Heavenly Father and was getting frustrated that I wasn’t getting that peaceful feeling I usually get when I pray for answers. I was pretty sure the guy I was dating would make a great husband, and wasn’t sure why every time we talked about marriage I felt uneasy. Maye it was nerves?

So finally I decided to make a weekend out of searching for my answer through prayer and fasting…. That’s when I met Brock.

When he came over to introduce himself a calm peaceful feeling came over me and I heard “this is who you should marry.”

Finally an answer to my prayers! Not what I was expecting, but who am I to question such a strong answer?  So the next day I broke things off with my boyfriend, and the next day asked Brock out on our first date. Now 10 years later and I am still so happy and grateful for my amazing husband. This really shows me that my Heavenly Father truly knows me.  He sent me Brock. The perfect man for me!

This experience was truly faith building to me. But that doesn’t me and that I don’t still struggle with doubt and fear in other areas of my life. We all go through periods in our life when its hard to have faith in certain situations.  And that’s ok!  All we need to do in times like these is seek out our Heavenly Father through prayer and scripture and keep on trying! 

In the last General Conference President Uchtdorf  gave a great talk at the woman’s broadcast titled 4^th floor Last door. I encourage you to go read or listen to it!  President Uchtdorf said

“Sometimes it’s not easy to develop faith in spiritual things while living in a physical world. But its worth the effort because the power of faith in our lives can be profound.  The scriptures teach us that through faith the worlds were framed, waters were parted, dead were raised, rivers and mountains were moved from their course.  Yet some might ask ‘if Faith is so powerful, why can’t I receive an answer to a heartfelt prayer’?”

I know I have asked that many times in my life. When I was 9 I was diagnosed with scoliosis. This is an abnormal curvature of the spine. My curve in my thoracic spine started out at 18 degrees and despite wearing a back brace for 23 hours a day for 5 years, physical therapies, and specialist after specialist it continued to worsen. By 12 years old the curve was at 68 degrees.

I remember one week when I was about 12 I knew my Heavenly Father had the power to heal me. I was in constant pain, have a not so attractive rib hump, and a few other health problems, and I was DONE with my trials.

Every night for a week I knelt by my bed and poured out my heart to my Heavenly Father. I told him of my problems and my desire to be healed. And every morning when I woke up with the same aches and pains and physical deformities, I would think to myself that I must not have had enough faith.  As I got older I learned that I do have enough faith. But, Heavenly Father knows me best and this disease is something he needed me to experience. This is something meant to make me a better person than I could be without it.

In a talk given by Carol M Stevens she says “Our Savior will likewise speak to us in a voice we recognize when we come to Him- for He knows us. He meets us where we are.  And because of who He is and what He has done for us, He understands us. Because he has experienced our pain, he can give us the living water we seek” 

Knowing this has brought comfort to my soul! Through the years of living with this I’ve had to learn lots of things I’m not sure I would have. I have learned to be strong, even when I feel like crying.  Grateful even when I feel lost. Positive even when negativity surrounds me. Hopeful even if I have every reason to doubt.  Peaceful, even when things aren’t going as planned. I don’t give up. I keep going. No matter what!

Even today as my scoliosis which is not supposed to worsen much after childhood defied all odds this year. It went from 55 degrees last year to 86 degrees this year. The daily pain that comes with this has been hard to handle.  Also my organ functions are starting to fail. It’s a very scary situation to be in. But, I know my Heavenly Father is guiding me through this. He is blessing me left and right even though some days its harder to see it. In times of despair I like to remember President Uchtdorf’s talk.  Especially the part where he says:

“Faith is powerful, and often it does result in miracles. But no matter how much faith we have, there are two things faith cannot do.  For one it cannot violate another person’s agency. The second thing faith cannot do is force our will upon God. We cannot do is force God to comply with our desires- no matter how right we think we are or how sincerely we pray…no the purpose of faith is not to change God’s will but to empower us to act on Gods will. Faith is trust- Trust that God sees what we cannot and that he knows what we do not.”

I know this to be true. It has been proven to me time and time again!  There is a time for God to give us miracles and a time for us to trust in His plan. 

When my second child Maddox was born he was a big beautiful 7 pounds 10 oz baby boy. Doctors soon noticed he was not breathing. He was rushed to the NICU and hooked up to breathing tubes, feeding tubs, IV’s, you name it he had a tube for it. The Doctors were baffled. He was a big full term baby, but despite their efforts his lungs refused to work. He was in the NICU for 2 whole agonizing weeks.

Finally we called for a family wide fast that fast Sunday. That evening we went to the hospital and Maddox received what felt like the 50^th priesthood blessing in his short life. The next morning when Brock and I went to the hospital to see our baby boy the tubes had all been removed!  The nurse handed me my son as the doctor explained that throughout the night his numbers started improving and his lungs started to function, and as of this morning there is nothing wrong with him at all! They kept telling me that this was a miracle that there were no signs of anything ever wrong with him at all and he could go home the next day!

I know God is a God of miracles. And I also know that he knows far more than I do. He has a unique plan for me. It takes faith to trust in his plan.  It takes daily prayers, scripture study, and reflection to build your faith.  It also takes overcoming trials and hardships to build faith… If you let it.

Our Heavenly Father has a plan for you. He knows you and loves you. Just as President Uchtdorf said

“God is real. He lives. He loves you. He understands you. He knows the silent pleadings of your heart. He has not abandoned you. He will not forsake you. God rewards those who earnestly seek Him, but that reward is not usually behind the first door. So, we need to keep knocking. Don’t give up. Seek God with all your heart.  Exercise faith, walk in righteousness.  I promise that if you will do this you will receive answers you seek. You will find faith.”

Now I know in today’s world we are constantly bombarded with hatred, sin and oppression.  Especially recently those of faith are being mocked and ridiculed. This is causing many to question their testimonies or stay quiet about their beliefs out of fear of what others might say or think. But I say isn’t this the time to seek God in earnest? Build up your testimony and stand as a light in this dark world.

 I would like to address the sisters for a bit.  We all know attacks against motherhood and family happening. The shame, guilt, and crazy strain we are all put under. But this is not what we need to feel. Motherhood is a sacred calling. We are given the responsibility of raising the next generation who will usher in the second coming of our Savior. The family unit is the most essential piece to Heavenly fathers plan and it is the mother that is the heart of each family.

President Russel M Nelson years ago said:

“Attacks against the church and its doctrine, and our way of life are going to increase. Because of this we need women who have a bedrock understanding of the Doctrine of Christ and who will use that understanding to teach and help raise a sin-resistant generation”

I feel this can only be done if we are constantly seeking out God. Seeking His help and guidance in raising our families and making sure our will’s are aligned with His. These last days will be tough. MORE than tough. And we need to raise a generation of children that will be string, seek od out in all things and not falter as the world would have them do.

We all know that doing this daily sometimes feels like an impossible task. There are so many man distractions I the world. But, Something President Uchtdorf said helps me to know that I have it in me to fight for what I know to be true.

He said, “Brothers and Sisters, we are eternal beings without beginning and without end. We have always existed. We are the literal spirit children of divine immortal and omnipotent parents! We come from the Heavenly courts of the Lord our God. We are of the royal house Elohim, the most high God. We walked with him in our pre-mortal life we heard him speak, witnessed his majesty, learned his ways.  You and I participated in a grand council where our beloved Father presented us with his plan for us- That would not otherwise be possible.”

This means that all of us here on this earth chose to be here. Everyone! We are his children and he wants us to seek Him. Please, know that you are loved and he is always there waiting for you… Seek Him. 

I say these things in the name of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.  

Brock and I have been married a little over ten years.  We have 4 pretty awesome and crazy kids. Our oldest is Rian. She is 9 years old.  She is followed by Maddox who is 8, Paxton who is 5 and Paisley who is 3. These tiny humans are the joy of my life and my biggest and most important responsibility on this earth and I could not be more grateful to my Heavenly father for blessing me with them.

I grew up in Mesa AZ and Brock grew up in Gilbert AZ.   We met at a bowling alley in Mesa by the temple about a year after his mission and my graduating high school. We were married 4 months after meeting and the long wait was torture for me!

The day I met my husband I had been praying and praying all weekend to figure out if I should consider marrying my then boyfriend. I’ve always had a close relationship with my Heavenly Father and was getting frustrated that I wasn’t getting that peaceful feeling I usually get when I pray for answers. I was pretty sure the guy I was dating would make a great husband, and wasn’t sure why every time we talked about marriage I felt uneasy. Maye it was nerves?

So finally I decided to make a weekend out of searching for my answer through prayer and fasting…. That’s when I met Brock.

When he came over to introduce himself a calm peaceful feeling came over me and I heard “this is who you should marry.”

Finally an answer to my prayers! Not what I was expecting, but who am I to question such a strong answer?  So the next day I broke things off with my boyfriend, and the next day asked Brock out on our first date. Now 10 years later and I am still so happy and grateful for my amazing husband. This really shows me that my Heavenly Father truly knows me.  He sent me Brock. The perfect man for me!

This experience was truly faith building to me. But that doesn’t me and that I don’t still struggle with doubt and fear in other areas of my life. We all go through periods in our life when its hard to have faith in certain situations.  And that’s ok!  All we need to do in times like these is seek out our Heavenly Father through prayer and scripture and keep on trying! 

In the last General Conference President Uchtdorf  gave a great talk at the woman’s broadcast titled 4^th floor Last door. I encourage you to go read or listen to it!  President Uchtdorf said

“Sometimes it’s not easy to develop faith in spiritual things while living in a physical world. But its worth the effort because the power of faith in our lives can be profound.  The scriptures teach us that through faith the worlds were framed, waters were parted, dead were raised, rivers and mountains were moved from their course.  Yet some might ask ‘if Faith is so powerful, why can’t I receive an answer to a heartfelt prayer’?”

I know I have asked that many times in my life. When I was 9 I was diagnosed with scoliosis. This is an abnormal curvature of the spine. My curve in my thoracic spine started out at 18 degrees and despite wearing a back brace for 23 hours a day for 5 years, physical therapies, and specialist after specialist it continued to worsen. By 12 years old the curve was at 68 degrees.

I remember one week when I was about 12 I knew my Heavenly Father had the power to heal me. I was in constant pain, have a not so attractive rib hump, and a few other health problems, and I was DONE with my trials.

Every night for a week I knelt by my bed and poured out my heart to my Heavenly Father. I told him of my problems and my desire to be healed. And every morning when I woke up with the same aches and pains and physical deformities, I would think to myself that I must not have had enough faith.  As I got older I learned that I do have enough faith. But, Heavenly Father knows me best and this disease is something he needed me to experience. This is something meant to make me a better person than I could be without it.

In a talk given by Carol M Stevens she says “Our Savior will likewise speak to us in a voice we recognize when we come to Him- for He knows us. He meets us where we are.  And because of who He is and what He has done for us, He understands us. Because he has experienced our pain, he can give us the living water we seek” 

Knowing this has brought comfort to my soul! Through the years of living with this I’ve had to learn lots of things I’m not sure I would have. I have learned to be strong, even when I feel like crying.  Grateful even when I feel lost. Positive even when negativity surrounds me. Hopeful even if I have every reason to doubt.  Peaceful, even when things aren’t going as planned. I don’t give up. I keep going. No matter what!

Even today as my scoliosis which is not supposed to worsen much after childhood defied all odds this year. It went from 55 degrees last year to 86 degrees this year. The daily pain that comes with this has been hard to handle.  Also my organ functions are starting to fail. It’s a very scary situation to be in. But, I know my Heavenly Father is guiding me through this. He is blessing me left and right even though some days its harder to see it. In times of despair I like to remember President Uchtdorf’s talk.  Especially the part where he says:

“Faith is powerful, and often it does result in miracles. But no matter how much faith we have, there are two things faith cannot do.  For one it cannot violate another person’s agency. The second thing faith cannot do is force our will upon God. We cannot do is force God to comply with our desires- no matter how right we think we are or how sincerely we pray…no the purpose of faith is not to change God’s will but to empower us to act on Gods will. Faith is trust- Trust that God sees what we cannot and that he knows what we do not.”

I know this to be true. It has been proven to me time and time again!  There is a time for God to give us miracles and a time for us to trust in His plan. 

When my second child Maddox was born he was a big beautiful 7 pounds 10 oz baby boy. Doctors soon noticed he was not breathing. He was rushed to the NICU and hooked up to breathing tubes, feeding tubs, IV’s, you name it he had a tube for it. The Doctors were baffled. He was a big full term baby, but despite their efforts his lungs refused to work. He was in the NICU for 2 whole agonizing weeks.

Finally we called for a family wide fast that fast Sunday. That evening we went to the hospital and Maddox received what felt like the 50^th priesthood blessing in his short life. The next morning when Brock and I went to the hospital to see our baby boy the tubes had all been removed!  The nurse handed me my son as the doctor explained that throughout the night his numbers started improving and his lungs started to function, and as of this morning there is nothing wrong with him at all! They kept telling me that this was a miracle that there were no signs of anything ever wrong with him at all and he could go home the next day!

I know God is a God of miracles. And I also know that he knows far more than I do. He has a unique plan for me. It takes faith to trust in his plan.  It takes daily prayers, scripture study, and reflection to build your faith.  It also takes overcoming trials and hardships to build faith… If you let it.

Our Heavenly Father has a plan for you. He knows you and loves you. Just as President Uchtdorf said

“God is real. He lives. He loves you. He understands you. He knows the silent pleadings of your heart. He has not abandoned you. He will not forsake you. God rewards those who earnestly seek Him, but that reward is not usually behind the first door. So, we need to keep knocking. Don’t give up. Seek God with all your heart.  Exercise faith, walk in righteousness.  I promise that if you will do this you will receive answers you seek. You will find faith.”

Now I know in today’s world we are constantly bombarded with hatred, sin and oppression.  Especially recently those of faith are being mocked and ridiculed. This is causing many to question their testimonies or stay quiet about their beliefs out of fear of what others might say or think. But I say isn’t this the time to seek God in earnest? Build up your testimony and stand as a light in this dark world.

 I would like to address the sisters for a bit.  We all know attacks against motherhood and family happening. The shame, guilt, and crazy strain we are all put under. But this is not what we need to feel. Motherhood is a sacred calling. We are given the responsibility of raising the next generation who will usher in the second coming of our Savior. The family unit is the most essential piece to Heavenly fathers plan and it is the mother that is the heart of each family.

President Russel M Nelson years ago said:

“Attacks against the church and its doctrine, and our way of life are going to increase. Because of this we need women who have a bedrock understanding of the Doctrine of Christ and who will use that understanding to teach and help raise a sin-resistant generation”

I feel this can only be done if we are constantly seeking out God. Seeking His help and guidance in raising our families and making sure our will’s are aligned with His. These last days will be tough. MORE than tough. And we need to raise a generation of children that will be string, seek od out in all things and not falter as the world would have them do.

We all know that doing this daily sometimes feels like an impossible task. There are so many man distractions I the world. But, Something President Uchtdorf said helps me to know that I have it in me to fight for what I know to be true.

He said, “Brothers and Sisters, we are eternal beings without beginning and without end. We have always existed. We are the literal spirit children of divine immortal and omnipotent parents! We come from the Heavenly courts of the Lord our God. We are of the royal house Elohim, the most high God. We walked with him in our pre-mortal life we heard him speak, witnessed his majesty, learned his ways.  You and I participated in a grand council where our beloved Father presented us with his plan for us- That would not otherwise be possible.”

This means that all of us here on this earth chose to be here. Everyone! We are his children and he wants us to seek Him. Please, know that you are loved and he is always there waiting for you… Seek Him. 

I say these things in the name of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.